The Rippling Effect

The Rippling Effect - One Starfish at a Time

Education is a key microeconomic intervention that has underpinned the development of a nation. Particularly, Women’s education which is a crucial part of economic strategies to improve a society’s social and economic standard. In the 1980s, USAID was one of the pioneers in promoting Gender education and its blueprint called for Gender Parity. 

In the last decade or so the concepts of Gender Equality have become more sophisticated to include men as key players in the process. Achieving gender equality requires that the interests, needs, priorities and contributions of both, women and men are taken into consideration while fully recognizing the diversity of different groups of women and men.

Last month I got a golden opportunity to interact closely with women provincial councilors who were invited to Kabul for a conference. Each of Afghanistan’s 34 provinces hosts a Provincial Council, which is directly elected by the voters of that province. Provincial Councils advise and work closely with the provincial administration, the head of which, the Governor, is appointed by the President.   

Over the two days I spent with women council members, I talked to six councilors more personally. These government officials at a provincial level opened my eyes to a whole new Afghanistan. An Afghanistan where miracles happen, an afghanistan where people trust other people, an afghanistan where people are brave and courageous and have infinite depth of human spirit to fight against the tide. 

Babysitting his son while his wife participates in the conference

The person who struck me the most was a man who stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the sea of women officials filling the room. His wife was a Provincial councilor and he came along to support and encourage his wife by babysitting their 9 month old son so that she could participate actively in the sessions. 

The implications of Afghan customs on women’s lives is serious. They are not permitted to study, they are not allowed out of the house without a male relative and marriage is forced on young girls among many other challenges.

He knew very well his type was a rare breed and he attributed it to the environment, conditioning and education that he was subjected to during his formative years. His parents encouraged him to study. When he was a little older he went to Iran to pursue higher studies  where he was surrounded by educated men and women. After living there for four years, he returned to Afghanistan, joined a medical college and told his mother he would like a wife who is literate so that she could understand him.  

He knows he is different from his brothers as he gives his wife freedom, freedom of speech and freedom to work. It weakened their relationship with the extended family as they did not approve,  but he fought back and stood by his wife.  He encouraged his brothers and his brother-in-law to be more free with their wives. His brother-in-law listened and now his wife is in nursing college. 

Two of his brothers are not educated, one is a carpenter and the other a farmer. They wanted to stop their daughters from studying after 6th grade, but he stopped them and said he would pay their school fees, buy their uniforms and text books but they should study, so the brothers agreed. “I even stopped them from sending their sons to Iran to work and now I am supporting their studies too” he told me.

One man’s education resulted in a social evolution of his nuclear and extended family.  Supporting his wife to continue studying after marriage built her confidence, self-esteem and belief in herself that led her to win the provincial council elections in her province.

I am my wife’s husband and body guard. Even though I am liberal with my wife, the society has to give her the same liberty.  The community at large has to change.  Until then I have to protect my wife from external and social pressures. It is about shifting your mindset, being confident, standing up for what you believe and not being threatened by others but, at the same time, being respectful of traditions and not defying them.  We have a long way to go, he said, but if I could be different thereby creating a rippling effect around my circle of influence, it can happen to others too. I hope I see that in my life time. 

After a decade of international presence in Afghanistan, one is constantly grappling with impact evaluations and data to prove the effect we’ve had on the Afghan people. There are many success stories but the overall picture is grim. However, these refreshing moments of progress is what motivates development workers in the field and what many of us thrive on. Here is a great example of how one man's education changed his outlook which in turn shifted the social landscape of his immediate surroundings.  

In December 1999, I was in Capetown, South Africa for a Peace Conference where his holiness, the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela made keynote speeches. The Dalai Lama's closing remarks have stayed with me till this day. “The whole world wants to save Tibet, don’t worry about saving Tibet, don’t get caught up in trying to save the world or trying to affect what is not in our direct control. You will grow old and the world may not be saved, dream big but instead change yourself and affect people directly in your realm of influence and soon it will have a rippling effect."

The Starfish Story

I will leave you with a famous parable that comes to mind; A man was walking along the beach one morning. During the night the tide had stranded thousands of starfish on the beach. As the waves came crashing in he noticed a little girl in the distance. She was picking up  the helpless starfish one at time and putting them back into the ocean. Curious, he approached her, and watched several times as she repeatedly made the effort to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of saving them. Finally, he  asked  "little girl you cannot possibly save them all so why waste your time, you aren't going to make a difference?".  Without hesitation she picked up another starfish, held it up to the man, and said "I will make a difference to this one". As he thought for a moment the little girl smiled, ran to the ocean and placed the starfish in the water. The man then reached down and picked up two starfish, took them to the safety of the water and continued on his walk.

TANGO-The journey to find my balance

My favorite traveling buddy and dear dear friend, Lucy and I decided to go to Buenos Aires for a week over the New year break and study the subtle art of Tango from professional teachers in the tango capital of the world.

Little did I realise that our tango journey was going to be profoundly introspective, more internal than physical; a journey about recognizing our inner core, our balance and our center of gravity. Basics of any dance form. 

What makes tango stand apart from other 'couple' dances is the magical "embrace"; soft and sliding (and not firm and rigid like the waltz) to accommodate the improvisational aspect of Tango.

There is a cliché that Tango was born in the brothels of Buenos Aires. However, a more likely explanation is that the brothels were where people of the upper and middle classes first encountered the dance. Members of Argentina's literary classes - the people who are most likely to leave written evidence - did not mix socially with members of the lower, immigrant classes except in brothels.

The traditional way to learn the dance was that the men would go to "practicas" and dance with other men to learn the woman's part; ie; how to be led. After about nine months they would be ready to learn how to lead. The men would practice in the Practica and go to meet the women at the Milonga. 

The coup in 1955 that ousted Peron had a deep impact on Tango. It was banned by the new Military government and the dance went underground. It was during this phase that someone realised one could make money from creating a show of the Tango dance and thats when Tango became really popular in the international arena. (Apart from the 1913 period when Tango was exported to Paris).

In 1983, the fall of the Military Junta brought a renaissance in Tango in Argentina.

My mum, walter and I in New York City - Summer of 2008

I was first introduced to Tango by my friend, Walter Perez in New York City in 2005. Ironic to say the least, I was not into the dance then. I would go to Walter's classes more as an excuse to catch up with Walter as we would invariably make dinner plans after class.  I re-connected with the dance form in Kabul 6 months ago, when my friend Alan started taking a class for a few expats. I've never missed a single class of Tango. 

Spending eight days in Buenos Aires, reading the history of Tango, hearing anecdotal stories from my teachers (Maria Blanco and Walter Perez) created a deeper appreciation and respect for this art and a better understanding of myself.

The class has become a haven for me in Kabul. That one day in the week when I am transported into another world; into an ambiance that creates positivity, in a dance where I am leaning to be more comfortable with the sound of silence in the "break" between steps that strings each pause together. It makes me forget for 2 hours of the duration of the class, if not more, that the country I live in is full of elements that can do so much (if you only allowed it) to de-stabilize your equilibrium... literally and metaphorically.

I believe, much of the value of the goal is in the journey; so much so, that, I had to come all the way to Kabul to discover the value of tango, be motivated enough to fly to Buenos Aires and find myself learning from Walter who was the person who introduced me to the dance five years ago. I had come full circle.

Sir George Bernard Shaw once said " I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them." 

All of us in Kabul chose to come to Afghanistan. Instead of complaining constantly about the situation surrounding us, we have all, in our unique little ways created the circumstances we want to keep our sanity and find our balance. I found tango!